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The Bad Hockey Card Blog

   This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time. It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some pretty serious shit!

   There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them. So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.

March 2nd, 2015

How Bats View Hockey Games

   If you've ever wondered what a hockey card pic might look like if it were taken from a satellite, wonder no more! It's funny that the title of this card is "QMJHL Action" considering how little action there actually is in this card. The play is in the other end of the rink which can hardly even be seen. All we have is a very lonely goalie photographed by somebody apparently strapped to one of the building's rafters. To be fair, this is still closer to the ice than I ever get for an NHL game with the cost of even nosebleed tickets being so outrageous these days.

February 23rd, 2015

Wild Eyes

   The first time I saw this card I said "HOLY CRAP!". Those are some powerfully bright eyes ya got there, Norm. Not to mention a hypnotic gaze. It's almost freaky!

February 16th, 2015

Midget Gets A Hockey Card #2

   I'll bet after the last entry that you didn't think they could screw up the picture sizing any worse. How wrong you were! The amount of negative space in this card is shocking. "Shocking Pink" that is! Nice colour choice, guys. It hasn't escaped my notice that both of these examples are of Canuck players. Maybe they just had a REALLY small team that year.

February 9th, 2015

Midget Gets A Hockey Card

   Something seriously wrong happened when it came time to size the picture for this hockey card. Just for comparison's sake, check out this earlier BHCB entry from this same set. Yes, the head has been transplanted in a terribly botched cut and paste job, but at least the player fills up the appropriate space on the card. Poor Dunc Wilson here looks like he could barely reach the crossbar on an NHL net.

February 3rd, 2015

It's All About The Helmet!

   Every time I think I've seen it all, something else comes along that just makes me shake my head. This happens to come from a series named Hard Hats where a large part of the card's focus, unbelievably, is a hockey helmet. In fact they should probably just take Pavel right off this card. The helmet clearly is the star here! Sigh...

January 27th, 2015

That's Gonna Leave A Mark!

   Poor Adam Burt caught one in the nose just as the shutter snapped to make this unforgettable hockey card. Well, at least it's unforgettable for the rest of us. Adam Burt, for some reason, has no recollection of this event at all!

January 21st, 2015

Chippy - The Mascot You Just Want To Punch In The Face

   In 1997, Upper Deck introduced us to a new mascot named Chippy. As it turns out, Chippy is one preachy son-of-a-bitch. He appears on the set checklists giving shitty tips on collecting, and shilling for the company, of course. Also, if you're wondering what Patrick Roy has to do with this card, the answer is nothing.

January 14th, 2015

It's About The Logo On The Front, Not The Name On The Back!

   Here's another all too weird concept card. Card makers started the trend by putting small swatches of game worn jerseys into cards a few years ago (Hopefully they washed them first!). Now they have stepped things up a notch and in this case added a section of an actual player nameplate! One has to wonder how fat this card is considering that name plates are thick pieces of twill sewn together. The sad thing is it takes up so much room that Martin Lapointe actually got relegated to a tiny thumbnail picture in the corner of his own card. Worst of all, the poor guy now has to skate around with a jersey that says LAPOI  TE on the back!

January 8th, 2015

Self Satisfaction Level: 100%

   This is a funny little picture of Dominik Hasek that was part of the Donruss Studio series. He comes off looking pretty smug here, but then again when you are the best goalie in the world, I guess you can feel somewhat entitled. 

December 24th, 2014

Not So Secret Santa

   It's Christmas time once again, and that means another special edition of the Bad Hockey Card Blog. This card is a pretty self explanatory. It features Marc Savard in the role of Santa Claus, albeit minus the beard, bowl full of jelly, and looking a helluva lot less jolly. Perhaps he's actually portraying the Grinch? Mind you, if someone took this picture and put it my hockey card, I probably wouldn't be that happy either.

December 17th, 2014

Card Design Train Wrecks

   Sometimes the photography isn't the problem with a hockey card. Occasionally you end up with a graphic design nightmare of unfathomable proportions. There was actually some interesting action on this card until Donruss decided to cover the whole damn thing up with its radiating beams of darkness.

December 9th, 2014

For Your Eyes Only

   One look at this card and you might be led to believe that the card company had this picture smuggled out of Russia on microfilm. It was the height of the cold war, after all, and spies were necessary to do that sort of thing. How else could you explain the blurriness of this photo? I've seen pictures of Bigfoot piloting a UFO that were less grainy! As for this player's first name, that too is classified information and I'm afraid you don't have the clearance for that. 

December 2nd, 2014

Obstructed Views

   These would be some fairly good pictures, were the players in them not largely obscured by a hockey stick and a random player that skated into frame. If I was running the show at Upper Deck, I personally would have thrown them on the reject pile, but perhaps the company got a good deal on these photos...half off.

November 25th, 2014

Getting Decimated On Your Own Card

   Here's another great card from that wonderfully terrible Ultimate draft set. This one features the subject of the card, Alek Stojanov, getting absolutely destroyed by Kerry Toporowski. Actually, this card may have been an omen, as Stojanov fell flat on his face in the NHL as well. We don't see Stojanov's face, nor have we seen Toporowski's, either on this one or on his own card earlier entry in this series. What is up with this set?

November 19th, 2014

Mining For Nose Gold

   I originally picked out this card to poke fun at the fact that they snapped a picture of the whole Red Wings bench and then just put Steve Yzerman's name on it as he is the most visible. It wasn't until much later that I noticed the terrific Brett Hull nose picking party in the foreground. Tremendous!

November 10th, 2014

Awful Hockey Art Cards

   Classic Cards took a look at the scene in '93 and saw other card companies doing cool things with hockey art. This meant that those companies had commissioned quality artists to do interesting fantasy prints that could be used for checklists and things like that. So Classic made the bold decision to stumble blindly into that field as well with the four cards you see below. I don't really have time to go into all of the atrocities that were committed against both hockey and art in the name of this series, but as they say a picture tells a thousand words. Of the four thousand words to describe this set, it's probably fair to say that a lot of them are curse words. In particular, the word "shitty" is used numerous times.

November 3rd, 2014

Card Quality Continues Its Slide

   There have been lots of interesting cards that have focused on things other than hockey in this series. This one, without a doubt, takes the cake. There is really nothing I could say that could upstage this card in terms of hilarity. I bow down to you, oh great Jason Arnott Waterslide card!

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