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This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time.
It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic
relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some
pretty serious shit!
There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them.
So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out
numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they
thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.
February 21st, 2017
Your Waiter Will Seat You Now
Poor Cam Neely. To make ends meet he is working part-time as a host
at a local eating establishment. Or perhaps he just has a deep love of menus,
and takes photos of them to add to his impressive collection. He seems a bit
underdressed, and not just because of those short shorts!
February 14th, 2017
Lovers In A Dangerous Time
Valentine's Day is that one special day of the year when you get to cradle your loved one in your arms and tell them how special they are. Donald Brashear and Marty McSorley
profess their love for one another in this beautiful depiction of unbridled
passion! Now that's amore!
February 7th, 2017
Wretched Airbrushing Abomination #5
Every now and then I feel compelled to throw in one of these heinous airbrushing disasters.
I mean, so little of this image is actually real that it just makes you wonder
why they didn't start from scratch with a sketch artist and a rough description
of the suspect... er... I mean player. Check out the bottom feathers of the blue
note. Sooooo bad.
January 31st, 2017
Carrying The Team On His Back
This card was found on the back of a package of JELLO, so I guess
we should have lowered our expectations from the outset. With that said, this is
a pretty hilarious bit of hijinx as Marty McSorley carries the team mascot, SJ
Sharkie, around the rink. Check out Marty's grin in this pic as well. When told
he would be sharing this card with Sharkie, he knew who would have the upper
January 24th, 2017
"Don't Look At Me, I'm A Monster!"
If there's one thing worse than getting your nose busted up in a hockey game,
it's having it happen the day before photo day! Poor Jason Marshall. Oh well, at
least his hair looks good!
January 17th, 2017
Dave Christian, heir to the Christian hockey stick empire started
by his father and uncle, gets a little free advertising on this Topps Stadium
Club card (TSC has really on fire in the BHCB recently). I wouldn't have guessed that product placement would have been one of
the sins of this particular card brand, but they proved me wrong once again. Now
we can officially confirm that it's not just movies that are being ruined by
January 8th, 2017
Behind The Mask
Donruss tried to get all creative with this one, putting a camera inside
a goalie mask to simulate a netminder's view of the action. Perhaps we should
award them some points for thinking outside the box or in this case, inside the bucket! Nah,
this one just seems like they were trying to hard.
December 14th, 2016
"Okay, Darren, Just Try To Look Natural."
One can scarcely imagine a more awkward pose than this. The sad
thing is that every damn card in this Johnstown Chiefs set looks like this one.
I honestly feel like the team tried to do these pics themselves instead of
hiring a professional photographer. How hard could it be? "We just need a
camera, a wall, a chair, and a player in full gear. This thing will look like a
million bucks!", they probably said to one another. They were wrong. These
cards are just terrible!
December 8th, 2016
There seems to be a bit of an issue with the alignment of the picture on this card.
Is there a reason that the players are scrunched up on the right side of the
image? Two thirds of this card is displaying a vacant ice sheet. At least
there's a "Now With Red Wings" notation to take up some of the empty
space, but they could have put that on a freakin' billboard and still had some
room left over on this card. If George Lucas were in charge of Topps, you just
KNOW he'd draw in some god awful CGI creature in that extra space.
November 29th, 2016
Ovechkin Gets Sucked Into Inter-Dimensional Rift
Try not to look directly at this card, it's not good for your eyes.
This is one of the stranger visual effects I have ever seen on a hockey card,
and for whatever reason it makes me a bit queasy just to look at. I'm not sure
if Ovechkin has been seen since he entered this rip in the fabric of the
space-time continuum. Perhaps only he knows what's really on the other side of a
November 22nd, 2016
Verbeek Goes Hog Wild!
We've seen a few cards featuring the players' lives away from the game, but few have been less glamorous
than this depiction of Pat Verbeek feeding a hog... a rather large one at
that. Yep, a lot of these guys were farm boys before they became hockey
stars, and they often return to the farm during the off season. Verbeek probably
wishes he hadn't after he had his thumb cut off in a farming accident in 1985,
but fortunately he was able to find it and get it reattached. With some surgery
and rehab, Verbeek amazingly didn't miss any time the following season. Thank
goodness the pig didn't find it first!
November 15th, 2016
"WHY I OUGHTTA...!"
When I discovered this card, it instantly became a personal
favourite. Here's grumpy old man John Tonelli angrily shaking his fist at some
young whippersnapper, probably telling him to get off his lawn. Or maybe he's
shouting at Scooby-Doo and his crime solving friends from Mystery Incorporated.
"I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling
kids!". Maybe he wasn't happy with his GM for shipping him to Chicago. Any
way you slice it, this one's a beauty!
November 7th, 2016
Unless you've been hiding in a cave (on Mars!) for the last year
and a half, you know there's a pretty crazy election going on in the US right
now. With the candidates of both major parties largely being the most repugnant
in history, Upper Deck is offering you a third option... Brian Leetch. Okay, so
this Goodwin Champions set was actually from a few years ago and doesn't really
have anything to do with politics, but you could be forgiven for thinking
otherwise. I personally choose to believe that he is delivering an empowering
stump speech on this card and giving the people what they really want... a
better choice. Remember, a vote for Leetch is a vote for hockey!
November 1st, 2016
Eric Fehr (and Friends)
This is an Eric Fehr card... apparently. I'm not sure why he was
the one to draw the short straw and have to share his hockey card with an
assorted collection of teammates. I guess the rest of these guys either did
enough to get their own card, or are so poorly regarded they were never given a
card in this set at all.
October 25th, 2016
Know The Signs Of A Heart Attack
Poor Theoren Fleury. Hockey can be a pretty stressful game at times and it has been known to lead to heart failure on occasion.
This appears to be just one of those occasions as he seems to be in full blown
cardiac arrest when this photo was taken. Interestingly, we already posted this
card of Brian Bellows apparently having a stroke, so this is a nice addition to
a strange subset of serious on ice health issues that we're building. Of course,
alternatively, this could be an image of a lone marksmen in the crowd (or grassy
knoll?) setting his sights on poor Theo. It's tough enough for a small guy to make it in the NHL without having
to deal with snipers in the stands! Either way, it's another classic BHCB entry.
October 18th, 2016
Do You Mind?
Here we have yet another entry from "Be A Player", the set that shows
the lives of NHL'ers away from the rink. This set typically gives an interesting
look at the hobbies and pastimes that players get up to, particularly in the off
season. This card, however, just showcases Joe Sakic having lunch. Yep, there's
nothing more exciting than seeing how our sporting heroes eat their meals! Joe
seems mighty pleased about this photographic encounter too! Who wouldn't
October 13th, 2016
"Just A Second Guys!"
Once again we see the unrelenting action of the NHL on full display!
Yes, Zigmund Palffy and Joe Alphabet both showcase their skate tying acumen in a
pair of hockey cards that should have hit the cutting room floor. Well, at least
we can all relate to how awful it is to have to stop an entire game to fix your
damn laces. Should've double knotted those!
October 3rd, 2016
The UD "Be A Player" brand once put out a subset featuring Roy Firestone
(for some reason) entitled "Up Close And Personal". However
judging by the look of longing that Teemu Sealanne seems to have in this image, one could get the impression
that he really wants to get up close and personal with Roy Firestone! It's okay,
Teemu, give in to your man crush!
September 27th, 2016
One Man On An Island
A dejected Nathan MacKinnon sits all alone on a bench in the
dressing room. I'm not sure if this was after his team was eliminated or after
he received word of his family pet being run over by the neighbors, but either
way it seems like a personal moment that probably shouldn't have become a mass
produced piece of cardboard (or canvas in this case?). For heaven's sake, leave
the man alone for a damn minute!