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The Bad Hockey Card Blog
This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time.
It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic
relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some
pretty serious shit!
There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them.
So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out
numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they
thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.
December 17th, 2014
Card Design Train Wrecks
Sometimes the photography isn't the problem with a hockey
card. Occasionally you end up with a graphic design nightmare of
unfathomable proportions. There was actually some interesting action on this
card until Donruss decided to cover the whole damn thing up with its radiating
beams of darkness.
December 9th, 2014
For Your Eyes Only
One look at this card and you might be led to believe that the card
company had this picture smuggled out of Russia on microfilm. It was the height
of the cold war, after all, and spies were necessary to do that sort of thing. How
else could you explain the blurriness of this photo? I've seen pictures of
Bigfoot piloting a UFO that were less grainy! As for this player's first name,
that too is classified information and I'm afraid you don't have the clearance
December 2nd, 2014
These would be some fairly good pictures, were the players in them
not largely obscured by a hockey stick and a random player that skated into
frame. If I was running the show at Upper Deck, I personally would have thrown them on the reject pile, but perhaps the
company got a good deal on these photos...half off.
November 25th, 2014
Getting Decimated On Your Own Card
Here's another great card from that wonderfully terrible Ultimate
draft set. This one features the subject of the card, Alek Stojanov, getting
absolutely destroyed by Kerry Toporowski. Actually, this card may have been an
omen, as Stojanov fell flat on his face in the NHL as well. We don't see
Stojanov's face, nor have we seen Toporowski's, either on this one or on his own
card earlier entry in this series. What is up with this set?
November 19th, 2014
Mining For Nose Gold
I originally picked out this card to poke fun at the fact that they snapped a picture of the whole Red Wings bench and then just put Steve
Yzerman's name on it as he is the most visible. It wasn't until much later that
I noticed the terrific Brett Hull nose picking party in the foreground.
November 10th, 2014
Awful Hockey Art Cards
Classic Cards took a look at the scene in '93 and saw other card
companies doing cool things with hockey art. This meant that those companies had
commissioned quality artists to do interesting fantasy prints that could be used
for checklists and things like that. So Classic made the bold decision to
stumble blindly into that field as well with the four cards you see below. I
don't really have time to go into all of the atrocities that were committed
against both hockey and art in the name of this series, but as they say a
picture tells a thousand words. Of the four thousand words to describe this set,
it's probably fair to say that a lot of them are curse words. In particular, the
word "shitty" is used numerous times.
November 3rd, 2014
Card Quality Continues Its Slide
There have been lots of interesting cards that have focused on
things other than hockey in this series. This one, without a doubt, takes the
cake. There is really nothing I could say that could upstage this card in terms
of hilarity. I bow down to you, oh great Jason Arnott Waterslide card!
October 27th, 2014
When Bad Haircuts Happen To Good People
The 70's were a difficult period for a lot of folks. If this hockey
card picture is any indication, Dave Kryskow was one of those people. I wouldn't
give this haircut to my worst enemy. Forget head injuries, hair like this was
the real reason hockey helmets became mandatory.
October 21st, 2014
Awkward Workout Photos
Yes, we all know the amount of dedication and hard work it takes to
make the NHL. Sometimes they like to beat us over the head with that fact.
However, that's still no excuse for a training photo this awkward looking.
October 14th, 2014
I Think I'm Gonna Hurl!
Here's a great shot of Dimitri Filimonov trying not to puke. We all
appreciate the effort, Dimitri. Of course, had he actually blown chunks all over
the dasher board, I'm pretty sure somebody would've snapped a picture of that
and put it on a hockey card too. Then again, that might have been an
improvement over some of these cards I've already posted.
October 6th, 2014
If you got a little confused after reading the notations on this
card, you're not the only one. I couldn't tell you if he was traded and then
retired, or went to the Blues as a member of the coaching staff, or what exactly
happened. I do know that O-Pee-Chee is happy this wasn't one of those
airbrushing years in which they would have painted him into a Blues uniform and
then later figured out they needed to airbrush a business suit on him.
September 29th, 2014
The Least Exciting Card in Hockey History
Hockey is a fast-paced, thrilling game that keeps people on the
edge of their seat! Hockey cards usually try to reflect that excitement and
emotion. How better to do that than to show a player just sitting there in front
a nondescript backdrop wearing gray sweats? The one minor reprieve we may have
gotten would have been a cool NHL logo, but astonishingly, we don't even get
that as Tampa Bay went with the oh-so-boring wordmark on this outfit. Yawn...
September 22nd, 2014
"...and in this corner, Charlie Burns!"
No, Charlie Burns isn't getting ready to be somebody's sparring
partner in the ring, that's actually a hockey helmet. Charlie had a serious head
injury in junior and actually had a plate in his head, thus the extra padded
helmet. He was actually one of the early pioneers of helmet use, though it
still took a while for the practice to catch on with the rest of the league. A
quick look at this hockey card illustrates why players may have been a tad
reluctant to don head gear.
September 15th, 2014
Don't Feed The Animals! #2
HOLY SHIT MAN, THAT'S A RHINO!!!
September 5th, 2014
Don't Feed The Animals!
Yeah, so this is Dean McAmmond feeding deer on a snowmobile. You
may be asking what that has to do with hockey, and I'm sorry to say that I don't
have an answer for you. This isn't even from one of those weird "Be A
Player" sets that for some reason celebrate the player's lives away from
the game, but rather from a standard issue set otherwise featuring guys playing
hockey. However, someone decided that to shake things up, perhaps they could
show a couple of cards featuring players randomly feeding animals. If you're in
to that, stick around for the next exciting entry in this series...
September 4th, 2014
Another pair of airbrushing atrocities from the 89-90 set, these
cards are less about the jersey than changing the colour of the helmet.
Unfortunately, those helmets came off a little too "digital", and are
extremely reminiscent of the helmets worn in the original Tron movie. As it
happens, they actually wore hockey helmets in that movie which doesn't exactly
hurt the comparison.
September 2nd, 2014
Cup Check! #2
Once again we have an outstanding picture of a nut shot, and is
there anything in this world more entertaining, really? There is
little doubt from Kevin MacKay's expression that this one landed, either. He was
surely singing soprano after this game.