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The Bad Hockey Card Blog
This is a fun little project I have been wanting to do for a long time.
It really has nothing to do with the league except to give people one more reason to stop by the site on a weekly basis and perhaps provide some comic
relief, which is much needed as we know that rec ball hockey is generally some
pretty serious shit!
There is no shortage of terrible hockey cards out there and I am the not-so-proud owner of a bunch of them.
So with that said, over the coming weeks and months, I will be marching out
numerous examples of photographic misdeeds, oddities and downright "What were they
thinking?" moments that should prove quite entertaining.
March 2nd, 2015
How Bats View Hockey Games
If you've ever wondered what a hockey card pic might look like if it were taken from a satellite, wonder no more!
It's funny that the title of this card is "QMJHL Action" considering how little action there actually is in this card. The play is in
the other end of the rink which can hardly even be seen. All we have is a very lonely goalie photographed by somebody apparently
strapped to one of the building's rafters. To be fair, this is still closer to
the ice than I ever get for an NHL game with the cost of even nosebleed tickets
being so outrageous these days.
February 23rd, 2015
The first time I saw this card I said "HOLY CRAP!". Those
are some powerfully bright eyes ya got there, Norm. Not to mention a hypnotic
gaze. It's almost freaky!
February 16th, 2015
Midget Gets A Hockey Card #2
I'll bet after the last entry that you didn't think they could screw up the picture sizing any worse. How wrong you were!
The amount of negative space in this card is shocking. "Shocking Pink"
that is! Nice colour choice, guys. It hasn't escaped my notice that both of
these examples are of Canuck players. Maybe they just had a REALLY small team
February 9th, 2015
Midget Gets A Hockey Card
Something seriously wrong happened when it came time to size the picture for this hockey card. Just for comparison's sake, check out this
earlier BHCB entry from this same set. Yes, the head has been transplanted in a terribly botched cut and paste job, but at least the player fills up the
appropriate space on the card.
Poor Dunc Wilson here looks like he could barely reach the crossbar on an NHL
February 3rd, 2015
It's All About The Helmet!
Every time I think I've seen it all, something else comes along
that just makes me shake my head. This happens to come from a series named Hard
Hats where a large part of the card's focus, unbelievably, is a hockey
helmet. In fact they should probably just take Pavel right off this card. The helmet clearly is the
star here! Sigh...
January 27th, 2015
That's Gonna Leave A Mark!
Poor Adam Burt caught one in the nose just as the shutter snapped to make this unforgettable hockey card. Well, at least it's
unforgettable for the rest of us. Adam Burt, for some reason, has no recollection of this event at all!
January 21st, 2015
Chippy - The Mascot You Just Want To Punch In The Face
In 1997, Upper Deck introduced us to a new mascot named Chippy. As
it turns out, Chippy is one preachy son-of-a-bitch. He appears on the set
checklists giving shitty tips on collecting, and shilling for the company, of
course. Also, if you're wondering what Patrick Roy has to do with this card, the
answer is nothing.
January 14th, 2015
It's About The Logo On The Front, Not The Name On The Back!
Here's another all too weird concept card. Card makers started the
trend by putting small swatches of game worn jerseys into cards a few years ago
(Hopefully they washed them first!). Now they have stepped things up a notch and
in this case added a section of an actual player nameplate! One has to wonder
how fat this card is considering that name plates are thick pieces of twill
sewn together. The sad thing is it takes up so much room that Martin
Lapointe actually got relegated to a tiny thumbnail picture in the corner of his
own card. Worst of all, the poor guy now has to skate around with a jersey that
says LAPOI TE on the back!
January 8th, 2015
Self Satisfaction Level: 100%
This is a funny little picture of Dominik Hasek that was part of
the Donruss Studio series. He comes off looking pretty smug here, but then again
when you are the best goalie in the world, I guess you can feel somewhat
December 24th, 2014
Not So Secret Santa
It's Christmas time once again, and that means another special
edition of the Bad Hockey Card Blog. This card is a pretty self explanatory. It
features Marc Savard in the role of Santa Claus, albeit minus the beard, bowl
full of jelly, and looking a helluva lot less jolly. Perhaps he's actually
portraying the Grinch? Mind you, if someone took this picture and put it my
hockey card, I probably wouldn't be that happy either.
December 17th, 2014
Card Design Train Wrecks
Sometimes the photography isn't the problem with a hockey
card. Occasionally you end up with a graphic design nightmare of
unfathomable proportions. There was actually some interesting action on this
card until Donruss decided to cover the whole damn thing up with its radiating
beams of darkness.
December 9th, 2014
For Your Eyes Only
One look at this card and you might be led to believe that the card
company had this picture smuggled out of Russia on microfilm. It was the height
of the cold war, after all, and spies were necessary to do that sort of thing. How
else could you explain the blurriness of this photo? I've seen pictures of
Bigfoot piloting a UFO that were less grainy! As for this player's first name,
that too is classified information and I'm afraid you don't have the clearance
December 2nd, 2014
These would be some fairly good pictures, were the players in them
not largely obscured by a hockey stick and a random player that skated into
frame. If I was running the show at Upper Deck, I personally would have thrown them on the reject pile, but perhaps the
company got a good deal on these photos...half off.
November 25th, 2014
Getting Decimated On Your Own Card
Here's another great card from that wonderfully terrible Ultimate
draft set. This one features the subject of the card, Alek Stojanov, getting
absolutely destroyed by Kerry Toporowski. Actually, this card may have been an
omen, as Stojanov fell flat on his face in the NHL as well. We don't see
Stojanov's face, nor have we seen Toporowski's, either on this one or on his own
card earlier entry in this series. What is up with this set?
November 19th, 2014
Mining For Nose Gold
I originally picked out this card to poke fun at the fact that they snapped a picture of the whole Red Wings bench and then just put Steve
Yzerman's name on it as he is the most visible. It wasn't until much later that
I noticed the terrific Brett Hull nose picking party in the foreground.
November 10th, 2014
Awful Hockey Art Cards
Classic Cards took a look at the scene in '93 and saw other card
companies doing cool things with hockey art. This meant that those companies had
commissioned quality artists to do interesting fantasy prints that could be used
for checklists and things like that. So Classic made the bold decision to
stumble blindly into that field as well with the four cards you see below. I
don't really have time to go into all of the atrocities that were committed
against both hockey and art in the name of this series, but as they say a
picture tells a thousand words. Of the four thousand words to describe this set,
it's probably fair to say that a lot of them are curse words. In particular, the
word "shitty" is used numerous times.
November 3rd, 2014
Card Quality Continues Its Slide
There have been lots of interesting cards that have focused on
things other than hockey in this series. This one, without a doubt, takes the
cake. There is really nothing I could say that could upstage this card in terms
of hilarity. I bow down to you, oh great Jason Arnott Waterslide card!